A tough couple of weeks

One thing I really didn’t consider fully before I came was that I might lose one of my parents while I was volunteering. Mum and dad have been married for 57 years and although mum’s health has been declining in recent years, I really didn’t think when I popped round to see her and dad and said “bye, I’ll see you in June”, that that would be the last thing I’d ever say to her.

On Tuesday March 20^th I had a typical day here, work and then on the way home checking out the surf on the reef to see if it was worth popping out for a surf- and it didn’t look too bad.  I was about to head out when I noticed that 5 What’s App messages had arrived between when I got on the minibus from work and home.  I quickly checked them, only to find that Julie had messaged me to say that my mum had had a heart attack and was on the way to hospital and that it didn’t look good. I kind of went blank, tried to figure out how to get off Tarawa and what to do. Eventually I figured it out, managed to get hold of my boss at VSA and arrange a flight home for Thursday. Only  a week earlier I’d decided to go home for Easter. My son had injured his knee and been in A&E, mum also had ended up in hospital the same day due to her general health and my wife Julie also was having a bit of a health scare.  I ummed and arred for few days before buying a ticket home for Easter. As soon as I bought the tickt i knew I'd made the right call but as it turned out it was to be a week too late.

Julie kept me informed as to what was going on and on Wednesday morning let me know there was nothing more they could do, they were turning off the ventilator and were expecting mum to peacefully slip away. Mum passed away three hours later, surrounded by dad, my brothers (who had made it down to Timaru from Melbourne and Gisborne), my sister, their partners as well as her my nephew and his partner, my son Finn and wife Julie. I was sitting on the deck at MTC just after lunch. Julie had sent though a couple of photos that, due to the lack of wifi at work, I was waiting for the images to slowly download when another message came through from her saying that mum had just died. I’ve never felt so far away from home in my life. My work was great and arranged for a van to take me home. I am able to use What’s App to phone home at home from my modem but not at work so was able to talk to my wife and family.

The next few days were a blur. Flights to Fiji, Auckland and Christchurch; evenings reminiscing with my brothers, their wives, and dad. Sunday my sister and her husband joined us as did a number of relatives, including mum’s surviving older brother and sister and their partners. Things kept building up towards the funeral on Monday which was always going be a very hard day. Somehow dad got through it, though as one could imagine after 57 years of marriage he was in a bewildered and dazed for most the week. We spent another enjoyable family night on Monday reminiscing then on Tuesday morning most people headed back home and we were left, dad, Julie, Finn Hana and Zac (my oldest brothers son who was over from Aust and was staying for a couple of weeks) and me. It was as if we’d been hit by a tornado and were now standing in the post storm calm wondering if the previous few days had really happened.

I spent as much time as I could for the rest of my stay with dad, taking him and Finn and Zac fishing up in the McKenzie country, having him round for tea each night and just trying to be there for him. Saturday Zac and I left so now the mantle has passed to my wife Julie and my kids Hana and Finn to keep an eye on him.

I left NZ yesterday morning and got back to Kiribati this afternoon. When I signed up for VSA I was expecting things to be difficult but never once did I imagine that one of most difficult challenges I'd face was that one of my parents would pass away. It has left me re-evaluating whether or not I am doing the right thing. Dad’s health is not the best either and the events of the past three weeks have made me take a long look at things and what is important. I am conflicted between wanting to be here in Kiribati and realising that we could potentially have limited time left with dad and wanting to be there for him to help him through this incredibly difficult time. I’m not going to make a hasty decision, I’m heading back home in June for three weeks and will re-evaluate how everything is going then. My thoughts at this stage though, is I can volunteer any time, but I can only spend a finite amount of time with dad and am torn between being here in Kiribati and not being there to help him though this. My wife Julie has really stepped up in the past few weeks in so many ways and I know will continue to have dad over for tea and keep a good eye on him. I thought I was doing the right thing coming to Kiribati, that the time was right, but now I’m not so sure.